The best way to a man's heart is to saw his breast plate open. ~Women's restroom, Murphy's, Champaign, Ill.
Beauty is only a light switch away. ~Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, N.C.
I've decided that to raise my grades, I must lower my standards. ~Houghton Library, Harvard University, Cambridge, Mass.
If Bush were captain of the Titanic, he'd say we were stopping for ice. ~Smoky Joe's, Philadelphia, Penna.
Remember, it's not "How high are you?" it's "Hi, how are you?". ~Rest stop off Route 81, W. Va.
God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust? ~The Irish Times, Washington, D.C
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. ~The Bayou, Baton Rouge, La.
No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit. ~Men's restroom, Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, N.C.
To do is to be. (Descartes) To be is to do. (Voltaire) Do be do be do. (Frank Sinatra) ~Men's restroom, Greasewood Flats, Scottsdale, Ariz.
At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry. ~Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, Ariz.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere. ~Written in the dust on the back of a bus, Wickenburg, Ariz.
Make love, not war. Hell, do both - get married! ~Women's restroom, The Filling Station, Bozeman, Mont.
If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. ~Revolution Books, New York, N.Y.
A woman's rule of thumb: If it has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it. ~Women's restroom, Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, Tex.
JESUS SAVES! But wouldn't it be better if he had invested? ~Men's restroom, American University, Washington, D.C.
If pro is the opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress? Congress! ~Men's restroom, House of Representatives, Washington, D.C.
Express Lane: Five beers or less. Sign over one of the urinals. ~Ed Debevic's, Phoenix, Ariz.
You're too good for him. ~Sign over mirror in women's restroom, Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills,Calif.
No wonder you always go home alone. Sign over mirror in men's restroom. ~Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills, California
What are you looking up on the wall for? The joke is in your hands. ~Men's restroom, Lynagh's, Lexington, Ky.
