{
    "target_templates": [
        "smacks {user} in the face with a burlap sack full of broken glass.",
        "swaps {user}'s shampoo with glue.",
        "installs Windows Vista on {user}'s computer.",
        "forces {user} to use perl for 3 weeks.",
        "registers {user}'s name with 50 known spammers.",
        "resizes {user}'s console to 40x24.",
        "takes {user}'s drink.",
        "dispenses {user}'s email address to a few hundred 'bulk mailing services'.",
        "pokes {user} in the eye.",
        "beats {user} senseless with a 50lb Linux manual.",
        "cats /dev/random into {user}'s ear.",
        "signs {user} up for AOL.",
        "downvotes {user} on Reddit.",
        "enrolls {user} in Visual Basic 101.",
        "sporks {user}.",
        "drops a truckload of support tickets on {user}.",
        "judo chops {user}.",
        "sets {user}'s resolution to 800x600.",
        "formats {user}'s harddrive to fat12.",
        "rm -rf's {user}.",
        "stabs {user}.",
        "makes {user} learn C++.",
        "steals {user}'s mojo.",
        "strangles {user} with a doohicky mouse cord.",
        "whacks {user} with the cluebat.",
        "sells {user} on EBay.",
        "drops creepers on {user}'s house.",
        "throws all of {user}'s diamond gear into lava.",
        "uses {user} as a biological warfare study.",
        "uses the 'Customer Appreciation Bat' on {user}.",
        "puts {user} in the Total Perspective Vortex.",
        "saves all of {user}'s files on a Magical Chinese Looping Hard Drive.",
        "casts {user} into the fires of Mt. Doom.",
        "gives {user} a melvin.",
        "turns {user} over to the Fun Police.",
        "turns over {user} to Agent Smith to be 'bugged'.",
        "takes away {user}'s internet connection.",
        "pushes {user} past the Shoe Event Horizon.",
        "counts '1, 2, 5... er... 3!' and hurls the Holy Handgrenade Of Antioch at {user}.",
        "puts {user} in a nest of camel spiders.",
        "puts 'alias vim=emacs' in {user}'s /etc/profile.",
        "uninstalls every web browser from {user}'s system.",
        "signs {user} up for getting hit on the head lessons.",
        "makes {user} try to set up a Lexmark printer.",
        "fills {user}'s eyedrop bottle with lime juice.",
        "casts {user} into the fires of Mt. Doom.",
        "gives {user} a Flying Dutchman.",
        "rips off {user}'s arm, and uses it to beat them to death.",
        "pierces {user}'s nose with a rusty paper hole puncher.",
        "pokes {user} with a rusty nail.",
        "puts sugar between {user}'s bedsheets.",
        "pours sand into {user}'s breakfast.",
        "mixes epoxy into {user}'s toothpaste.",
        "puts Icy-Hot in {user}'s lube container.",
        "forces {user} to use a Commodore 64 for all their word processing.",
        "makes {user} watch reruns of \"Blue's Clues\".",
        "puts lye in {user}'s coffee.",
        "tattoos the Windows symbol on {user}'s ass.",
        "lets Borg have his way with {user}.",
        "signs {user} up for line dancing classes at the local senior center.",
        "wakes {user} out of a sound sleep with some brand new nipple piercings.",
        "gives {user} a 2 gauge Prince Albert.",
        "forces {user} to eat all their veggies.",
        "covers {user}'s toilet paper with lemon-pepper.",
        "fills {user}'s ketchup bottle with Dave's Insanity sauce.",
        "forces {user} to stare at an incredibly frustrating and seemingly never-ending IRC political debate.",
        "knocks two of {user}'s teeth out with a 2x4.",
        "removes Debian from {user}'s system.",
        "switches {user} over to CentOS.",
        "uses {user}'s iPod for skeet shooting practice.",
        "gives {user}'s phone number to Borg.",
        "posts {user}'s IP, username(s), and password(s) on 4chan.",
        "forces {user} to use words like 'irregardless' and 'administrate' (thereby sounding like a real dumbass).",
        "tickles {user} until they wet their pants and pass out.",
        "replaces {user}'s KY with elmer's clear wood glue.",
        "replaces {user}'s TUMS with alka-seltzer tablets.",
        "squeezes habanero pepper juice into {user}'s tub of vaseline.",
        "forces {user} to learn the Win32 API.",
        "gives {user} an atomic wedgie.",
        "ties {user} to a chair and forces them to listen to 'N Sync at full blast.",
        "forces {user} to use notepad for text editing.",
        "frowns at {user} really, really hard.",
        "jabs a hot lighter into {user}'s eye sockets.",
        "forces {user} to browse the web with IE6.",
        "takes {user} out at the knees with a broken pool cue.",
        "forces {user} to listen to emo music.",
        "lets a few creepers into {user}'s house.",
        "signs {user} up for the Iowa State Ferret Legging Championship.",
        "attempts to hotswap {user}'s RAM.",
        "dragon punches {user}.",
        "puts railroad spikes into {user}'s side.",
        "replaces {user}'s lubricant with liquid weld.",
        "replaces {user}'s stress pills with rat poison pellets.",
        "replaces {user}'s itch cream with hair removal cream.",
        "does the Australian Death Grip on {user}.",
        "dances upon the grave of {user}'s ancestors.",
        "farts loudly in {user}'s general direction.",
        "flogs {user} with stinging nettle.",
        "hands {user} a poison ivy joint."
    ]
}
